Friday, June 03, 2011

a Child's Heart...

We visit with Charlotte for only 3.5 hours each day, while we wait patiently for our court decree... so we have PLENTY of time on our hands. Oh how I long for my sewing machine, or my photo editing software... although, I will admit how EXHAUSTED we feel from our short amount of time in the orphanage. I think it's just emotionally draining... but in the meantime, in our "down time", I'm reading this awesome book. Has anyone else read it?

While spending time with Charlie... of course our (mine and the hubby's) minds/hearts are preparing ourselves for parenting this sweet girl. God is concerned with the heart-the well-spring of life. Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. Parents tend to worry more about the "what" of behavior than the "why". We've definitely caught ourselves quite a few times thinking about that. Accordingly, most parents spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behavior (especially when we find it embarrassing or disheartening). To the extent at which, if our focus is on behavior,we miss the heart. So, this Mama and Papa have been focusing on trying to cue in on Charlie's heart... there's no better place than to start with that.

Proverbs 4:23 "Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flows the springs of life..."

Also, a sweet, dear (and new) friend of mine, Karen, who works here in Ukraine with Orphans Promise... (remember when I talked about staying in her Hospitality House?) is raising money to bring some orphans back to the states for a camp, and could really use your help. Please go check out her post here, and if you donate, come back and let me know! I'd LOVE to send a little something your way.
Pin It!


  1. Donated and can't wait to hear about the trip. Keep us posted Karen. :)
    Also, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that book! It is the book we have used and looked back on over the last few years to help us parent the children in a way that is hopefully pleasing to our Lord. It is VERY easy to get caught up in behavioral parenting, LET ME TELL YOU! I can always tell when that is my focus....I get ANGRY. That is when I humble myself, apologize and get back to the heart. It is so good to start with a great resource now, and not have to rely on it to get you out of your parenting jam later.-Kathee

  2. I read this book when Lauren was a little girl and into her teens their was one for that also. Spent so much time on my knees and seeking Godly wisdom from Titus women.
    Another one of my favorites was "To Train Up A Child." I might still have it, not sure, I will have to look and if I do I will send it to you.
    Kurt and Lauren tell Zander if he is acting up, or whatever, "Find your happy heart :)" He does it! They really work on the heart issue with him as well. I love to watch them parent because they have taught me so much about parenting as a grandparent :)
    Scrollin down and reading about the donation now, how awesome!

  3. Donated. :-) I will probably post on my blog too. I have such a heart for the children. I have a question on the timeline. What is this court decree for? I thought Charlotte was already "given" to you. I have been wondering why she's still in the orphanage if that's the case. Sorry, my first time "experiencing" an adoption, so I'm not quite sure of the steps!

  4. Love this book Karen, and a few others that compliment it nicely that I'll share with you when you are home. Can't wait till you're all back here! Sending you love and prayers friend!

  5. Hmmm...I would shy away from that book "To Train Up a Child," it's very violent and there was a death of a young girl recently at the hands of parents that were following the Pearl's doctrine.

  6. I don't see a place to reply to the anonymous comment above, but I just wanted to say that I have read To Train Up A Child. While it is certainly not the style of discipline that many people prefer, it is not violent. I don't believe the Pearl's used abuse as a discipline method with their own children, or that they intend that for others. We also must remember that the little girl that died, died at the hands of out of control parents. It's unacceptable to take the blame off of her parents & place it on the Pearl's and their book. We are to use wisdom & self control with our children. We are the only ones accountable for how we treat others. End rant :)

  7. Hi Karen ~ I have been following your Journey to Charlotte (LOVE that name!!) and also follow many, many Eastern European/Christian adoptions (most through Reece's Rainbow), but this is my first comment. As a Christian, I have to agree with the person who wrote about Mr. Pearl. While his ideas may be good, I have heard of way too many cases of children being abused. That little girl who died (and her older sister who was critically injured) are not the only cases of how extreme his teachings can be. I have no doubt that you are an intelligent, loving person and this does not pertain to you, but I would feel great guilt if I did not share what I have learned.

    I want to mention a Blog that I know would be so beneficial to you as you bring Charlie home. (If you don't already read it). It is my friend, Adeye's blog. She adopted 2 little girls from the Ukraine about one year ago. I also want to suggest reading some of Karen Pervis (? Purvis) books. She has done a lot of work with children who have been institutionalized.

    I will continue to pray for bonding between the three of you and look forward to seeing C's sweet face and to see her in her Beautiful bedroom! Oh, does she like her Lovie? : ) Hugs ~ Jo

  8. I'd like to jump in on this discussion of "To Train Up a Child." I agree with aPearantly that the parents who murdered their child are the ones to blame, but I also agree that the book is indeed violent and does not honor God!

    On p.46 the Pearls say that if a child does obey before being spanked, spank them anyway. And “if you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher.” “Defeat him totally.”

    They also advocate using a switch on a 7 month old! 7 months!

    Sorry for the long post, I just think that the Pearls have serious problems and I can't believe that their teachings are still being circulated among Christians. It saddens me. Children need love and guidance, and people always say "Spare the rod and spoil the child," but guess what? The rod is what shepherds used to GUIDE the sheep, not beat them.

  9. Scott & I could we not. The eyes of those children are beautiful! So excited to read your blogs....hoping in a few years maybe a trip to see your friends and maybe Disney would be in order ;)