We've noticed these last few days, how attached Charlotte gets to possessions... we sort of got a glimpse of that when she didn't want to take off HER shoes, but we now see it with the items that we've "gifted" her with... and items that others have, that she wants to "steal/grab" out of their hands... Perhaps it's a toddler thing, perhaps it's an orphan thing... either way... it's not just a behavior (that we would find unacceptable), but something rooted in her heart... something that I've been praying for God to heal.
This morning, Papa made Charlie some homemade applesauce (his Mamaw's recipe), and we brought along her new bowl and spoon for her to "try" out. We poured a decent sized serving in her bowl... but when there was no more left, the standard meltdown commenced. Is there ever enough for our little girl? Will she eat until she gets sick? In order to take her spoon away, we always have to re-direct her to a new "thing"... her hairbrush, a Cheerio, her Flinstone Gummy Vitamin, her Camelback water bottle... and often times, her possessiveness doesn't end until Papa gives her a good toss in the air. Constant re-directions seem to be the "thing" these days... this Mama and Papa are using the same technique whenever we go on a rant about "home", or our bed, or our coffee machine, or our dryer... or our family... oh we could just go on and on.
that is our Lily....Scott is better at re-directing than I am...sorry to say 3 year olds are stubborn!!!
ReplyDeleteAmen! The stubbornness of three year olds is bad enough...but add in that she is "getting" things of her own for the first time in her life and I can't imagine the feelings she must be feeling. She feels so good "getting" things which equates in her little mind to love from you guys, that she is in NO WAY going to give it up. It may not get all better when you bring her home, but I do believe that in time God will heal this and allow her to depend on your real love and security enough to let go of the things. You guys are doing great! -Kathee
ReplyDeleteWelcome to parenthood love stacey
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kathee. My Cassie does the same thing - I could only imagine how happy Charlie is when she gets a gift...she probably never had anything of her own long enough for her to believe it's hers. Toddlers lack that object permanence, whether it's an object or a person...it's tough for them to know that "it" is still "there", just out of sight. Between that, between being a fussy toddler as all toddlers are wont to do, and between her circumstances, I think her behavior is completely normal...and that you guys are doing the right thing by redirecting right now. I can ask some of Cassie's therapists if they have a different approach to try then redirection...
ReplyDeleteChrissy
she looks adorable!
ReplyDeleteYou might find the following book interesting:
No biking in the house without a helmet by Melissa Green. It is about a family who adopted 5 kids, 1 from Bulgaria. There are a lot of other biographies that are quite instructive as well.
Angelica
I think it is largely an orphan thing. We brought our daughter home from Ukraine at 13, and she has similar behaviors. She finds it VERY difficult to share (or even allow someone to touch) her 'special things' (ie ANYTHING we have given her or she has purchased with money she has earned)with ANYONE, unless it is her idea. She has a true fear that they will be lost or damaged in some way. I suppose that is part of the package we as adoptive parents inherit - our child's inherent fear of loss and struggle with the concept of permanance. But God made us families and chose us to be parents to these children, so if He has confidance in our abilities to do it successfully, so must we :o)
ReplyDeleteYUM! homemade applesauce for the win!!
ReplyDelete& praying for little girl Davis' possesion attitude. :)