It was just a few weeks ago, 12 to be exact... that I was finishing up my second half marathon, and KNEW something was up. That morning, I wasn't feeling great...I was a bit "off". During the run, I kept reaching down for water, and slowing down... I didn't think it was possible to slow down, but I had to, in order to finish. I logged another 13.1 miles that day.. just not at the time I would have liked. On the way home from that run, I made my sister in law pull over at the gas station... I needed to be certain, and there was only one thing that was possible, and that's that I was pregnant. I picked up a pregnancy test, and as soon as we made our way back home, I peed on that stick. I barely had to tinkle on it... it was as if just hovering over it, turned it positive.... POSITIVE.
A few weeks went by, and we started adjusting to the idea of "4"... four sounded like a solid number... even... everyone would have a roller coaster buddy. The number started to warm itself on me, just as we were gearing up to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. My midwife was able to squeeze us in, and I was just a little over 8 weeks along. I had been so sick at this point (and continue to be). Nausea had been taking over my days, the worst kind... the kind that could only be relieved with throwing up. I also felt like I had no energy... completely zapped. You always read that these are good signs, that you have a "healthy" pregnancy when you feel this way... but a little worry always creeps in, right as you're about to go listen to your baby for the first time. I lost 2 little babies (super early on in the pregnancy)... before we adopted Charlotte. Fear is inevitable.
It was the best moment being reunited with my midwife... seeing her face, the woman who had caught my other two babies... calmed me down a bit. I was ready to take a listen. Within moments of the ultrasound machine touching my belly, not just one little baby was seen... but two. TWO. I couldn't believe the words, until I saw the screen for myself. My husband thought at first that I had some gas pocket or something. Twins don't run in our family... I wasn't on IVF... there's NO way that I could have twins... but there they were. Two sacks with one blob in each... strong little heart beats... and two parents in complete and utter disbelief. "I'm growing two little humans inside of me?" ... I believe those were the first words I uttered. I think my face probably showed complete panic... the number "4"... quickly jumped to "5". Tears flooded my eyes... were they tears of happiness? were they tears of fear? were they tears of amazement? were they tears of doubt? were they tears of defeat? I think they were tears that had a little of every emotion attached to them. It took us MANY minutes to compose ourselves... weeks in fact. My husband and I still look at each other, and shake our heads over this news. I pull out our ultrasound pictures OFTEN just to make sure that I'm not dreaming.
Charlotte's reaction: "Why would God put two babies in there? That is SO weird. I can't take care of two babies!"
Marley's reaction: "Oh Mama... I want to hold the yellow one."
Finn's reaction: "Baby.." and points to my belly.
We've all reacted to the news differently, but in the end, have a complete excitement over the idea of two new little ones joining us in the September/October time frame (depends on how long they stay put). Since our first appointment, we've had 2 ultrasounds. We found out that "more than likely" these two little babes are fraternal... and they each have their own placenta to support them. What this means in "twin talk"... is that this is probably the most desirable kind of twin pregnancy. Babies won't fight over nourishment, and can't tangle in one another being in separate sacks. It means they have the potential to grow "full term", barring any complications. It does mean I have a higher chance at having gestational diabetes (having 2 placentas rather than 1)... so if you could, pray with me over this. We've been watching them grow over the weeks, and they're doing just fine... completely on target with where they should be. My belly feels ginormous this time around. Watching the two of them interact with one another in my belly... is the craziest sight. One likes to wiggle a lot... the other is super chill... One likes to push it's butt in the other's face... and one waves high all the time. We are falling in love with them. And just like that, the number five, doesn't feel so daunting.
" Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all it is well. Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you and it is well... it is well. So let go my soul, and trust in Him. The winds and waves still know his name. "